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Ideally you'll have the opportunity to work with a coach before you get married. As people become engaged, their time is often spent looking through bridal magazines, shopping for dresses, caterers, locations, bands, honeymoon spots and in general planning the party. While these things will all contribute to one special fabulous day, the wedding is only the first day of your life as a married couple. The engagement must be a time of reflection as a couple on your true compatibilities as life partners in order for your life together to be truly happy. How will you handle the BIG issues that arise? One reason the divorce rate is so high is that people only plan for the first few days of their lives, the wedding and honeymoon, rather than the more important many years they have ahead of them. If you decide to wait to cross that "bridge" when you get there, you are being irresponsible and childish.
Some areas we will consider during coaching:
Children: Do you want children? How many? When? Who will take care of those children once they are born? Will Mom & Dad both return to paid outside work full-time? Part-time? Will one stay home full time? Do you prefer a daycare center or a private babysitter?
Household duties: Who is responsible for doing the laundry? Who will clean the bathroom? What about running errands to the dry cleaner, bank, post office, etc? Who will plan, shop for, and prepare meals? Will you share the cleaning or hire someone to do it for you? Who would be responsible for hiring that person?
Financial matters: Will you have individual bank accounts or joint? Do you need a pre-nuptial agreement? Who will physically sit down and pay the bills? Who will do the taxes? Will you have a budget? How will you save or invest your money? Will you use credit cards? Are you in debt?
In-laws and other family: What personal information will you share with each other's parents? Will the in-laws be invited to visit and stay in your home? For how long? Will you invite/allow other family members to move into your home? For how long? Will you charge them rent or ask for money toward the groceries?
Your home:
Where will you live, geographically speaking? What type of dwelling do you prefer? Will you have vacation property? Where?
Leisure time: How will you spend your time when you are not working? Do you want to entertain and go to parties, or prefer to have quiet evenings at home alone? Will you vacation? How often? To what types of places? What kinds of things are fun for you individually and as a couple?
Your relationship: How often will you share physical intimate time with your partner? What is your "love language?" What is your partner's "love language?" How will you honor your partner and your relationship regularly? Will you have weekly or monthly dates with each other? Are birthdays and anniversaries important to you? What about the so-called "Hallmark holidays?" Do you want to acknowledge each other for Sweetest Day, Valentine's Day, etc?
If you are already married and have challenges in any of the above areas, we can work on those to find a happy balance in your life. Perhaps you had discussed these areas at one point, but your lives have changed and so have your perspectives and therefore responses to each other and your issues. I will work with couples together or individuals.
Note: As a reminder, coaching is not a substitute for marriage counseling. The purpose of coaching is to guide you to setting mutual goals and reaching them together. If your marriage is encountering serious problems such as infidelity, substance abuse, or emotional or physical abuse, you first need to work with a licensed clinical therapist so your relationship can become healthy again. Once your marriage is healed, I can work with you on setting goals and reaching them.
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